Love.. in theory

NOTHING STRIVES INSIDE A BROKEN HEART. When the heart gets broken, it turns into a void, a black hole in your chest sucking everything in and eventually spitting it all out. It’s like filling a cracking glass of water. No matter how you try to fill it, water will just keep leaking out. At the end of the day, you’re still empty and hollow and thirsty for something that you think would satiate the need for happiness.

Emptiness compels people to immediately start the search for such things. They could be anything. And when they do find them, they instantly start stuffing themselves, forcing everything in, even those that their hearts don’t really need. Empty people are impatient people. They are so distracted by the pain. They can’t wait to get rid of it. Their minds are stuck on thinking how to purge the heart of such torment, conveniently forgetting the fact that anything kept inside a heart should not be forced—like love. You have to own the right heart to nurture such sublime entity. I can’t imagine offering my heart to someone, all torn and hideous. Can you?

When a heart gets broken, repairs should be made first. Bleeders should be cauterized. Patches should be placed to cover the holes. Cuts should be stitched closed. And then one should let it heal. The healing part takes time but it varies among people because every heart is unique and wounds vary in severity depending on the degree of damage, depth, and hurts one had taken hold. And there are a gazillion ways to break a heart but ironically, only a few to fix it (open heart surgeries excluded).

The healing process is very tricky. Let’s take broken relationships, for example. When one says he had already moved on, there’s a great probability that it’s actually the opposite. The moment one thinks that his feet stands on the grounds of acceptance, that is when he usually finds himself chewing on the first seeds of grief—denial.

The damaged heart deals with a lot of questions, focusing mainly on the experience of pain. Some say the pain doesn’t really go away. You just learn how to live with it eventually. But a healing heart juggles more complex questions. Fear, doubt, frustrations, and phantom hurts swarm the heart forcing it to shut down—a coping mechanism. The heart is strong but it is also as fragile as it is vital.

When can one say his heart is completely healed? There are no infallible ways to know for sure just like discerning the exact point in time when a heart starts to love. In the end it’s still a risk, a gamble. But with a heart intact, filled with the right things, and a love true and inspiring, it’s definitely a risk worth taking.

http://roneilberania.blogspot.com/2009/12/lovein-theory.html

* thank you for allowing me to re-post this wonderful entry.

wish granted

Since December na at ilang araw na lang matatapos na ang year 2009, naisipan ko lang magbasa ng mga naipost ko d2 sa multiply at sa blogspot ko sa isang buong taon. Nakakatuwa lang.. it was January 23, 2009 when I posted this blog "babae na ko sa 2009 --> http://jenzkiedo.multiply.com/journal/item/144/babae_na_ko_sa_2009_ ..."

I started the blog with this line:

"magpapakababae na ako sa taong 2009! at syempre nung marinig yan ng magaling kong asawa eh tinawanan lang ako... at katakot takot na pang-aasar lang ang narinig ko...."

and ended with a wish:

- above all... kahit di na ko maging babaeng babae.. kahit na maton na ko forever.. pero sana this year.. maging isang ina na ko.. at yun lang ang mahalaga sa akin. :)

and someone from up above granted my greatest wish...yes,the BIG GUY answered my prayer. di nga natapos ang taon.. nailuwal ko si baby KIDLAT sa mundo.. well I guess, I got an early gift for christmas.

Falling in love

I remembered reading this piece in one of my speech class during college. It was Claire who gave me a copy of this. :)

FALLING IN LOVE
from the book, Letters To My Son, by Kent Norburn

It is a mystery why we fall in love.
It is a mystery how it happens.
It is a mystery when it comes.
It is a mystery why some love grows and it is a mystery why some love fails.

You can analyze the mystery and look for reasons and causes but you will never do anymore than take the life out of the experience. Just as life itself is more than the sum of the bones and muscles and electrical impulses in the body, love is more than the sum of the interests and attractions and commonalities that two people share. And just as life itself as a gift that comes and goes its own time, so too, the coming of love must be taken as an unfavorable gift cannot be questioned in its ways.

Sometimes hopefully at least once in your life, the gift of love will come to you in full flower and you will take hold of it and celebrate it in all inexpressible beauty. This is the dream we all share. More often, it will come and take hold of you, celebrate you for a brief moment, then move on.
When this happens to young people they too often try to grasp love and hold it to them, refusing to see that it is a gift that is freely given and a gift that just as freely moves away. When they fall out of love or the person they love feels the spirit of love leaving, they try desperately to restrain the love that is lost rather than accepting the gift for what it was, then moving on.

They want answers where there are no answers. They want to know what is wrong in them that makes the other person no longer love them, or they try to get their love to change thinking that if some small things were different, love would bloom again. They blame their circumstances and say that if they go far away and start a new life together, their love will grow.

They try anything to give meaning to what has happened. But there is no meaning beyond the love itself and until they accept its own mysterious ways, they live in a sea of misery.
You need to know this about love, and accept it. You need to treat what it brings you with kindness. If you find yourself in love with someone who does not love you, be gentle with yourself. There is nothing wrong with you. Love just didnt choose to rest in the other person’s heart.

If you find someone else in love with you and you dont love her, feel honored that love came and called at your door, but gently refuse the gift that you cant return. Dont take advantage, dont cause pain. How you deal with love is how you deal with you and all our hearts feel the same pains and joys, even if our lives and ways are different.

If you fall in love with another, and she falls in love with you, and then love chooses to leave, do not try to reclaim it or to assess blame. Let it go. There is a reason and there is a meaning you will know in time.

Remember that you dont choose love, love chooses you. All you can really do is accept it for all its mystery when it comes into your life. Feel the way it fills you to overflowing then reach out and give it away. Give it back to the person who brought it alive. Give it to others who deem it poor in spirit. Give it to the world around you in anyway you can.

There is where many lovers go wrong. Having been so long without love, they understand love only as a need. They see their hearts as empty places that will be filled by love, and they begin to look at love as something that flows to them rather than from them. The first blush of new love filled to overflowing, but as their love cools, they revert to seeing their love as a need. They cease to be someone who generates love and instead becomes someone who seeks love. They forgot that the secret of love is that it is a gift and that it can be made to grow only by giving it away.
Remember this, and keep it to your heart. Love has its own time, its own reasons, and its own reason for coming and going. You cant bribe it or coerce it, or reason it into staying. You can only embrace it when it arrives and give it away when it comes to you. But if it chooses to leave from your heart or from the heart of your lover, there is nothing you can do and there is nothing you should do. Love always has been and always will be a mystery. Be glad that it came to live for a moment in your life.

If you keep your heart open, love will come again.

ansarap maging buntis! *_*

pag nakikita ko kung paano ako inaasikaso ng asawa ko napapangiti na lang ako. maliit pa lang ang tyan ko pero ayaw na nya ko kumilos sa bahay. wow! super sipag ni mister lately.. hindi napapagod.. ;)

sya ang :

nagluluto
naglalaba
nagsasampay
naglilinis ng bahay
naggogrocery
tagabili ng gusto ko
tagasalo ng bad trip at init ng ulo ko
at higit sa lahat..
nagtitimpla ng gatas ko!

Antukin na kasi ako ngayun, so everynight nagtitimpla na sya ng gatas at pag nakatulog ako di nya makakalimutang manggising para lang uminom ako ng gatas namin ni baby.

nakakatuwa.. bibihira ang katulad ng asawa ko. ;)

ANG SARAP MAGING BUNTIS!

erase.. mali pala yun..

ANG SARAP MAGING MISIS NG MISTER KO.. WALANG KAPANTAY! *_*

- salamat sa pag-aalaga. love ka nmin ni baby daddy allan.. mwuah!

partners and marriage

Advice for the married, planning to get married,single but not available, single and availableEduardo Calasanz was a student at the AteneoManila University , Philippines , where he hadFather Ferriols as professor. Father Ferriols, atthat time was the Philosophy department head.Currently he still teaches Philosophy for graduatestudents in Ateneo. Father Ferriols hasbeen very popular for his mind opening andenriching classes but was also notorious for thegrades he gives. Still people took his classes forthe learning and deep insight they take home withthem every day (if only they could do somethingabout the grades...)Anyway, come grade giving time, (Ateneo hasletter grading systems, the highest being an A,lowest at D, with F for flunk), Fr. Ferriols had thislong discussion with the registrar people becausehe wanted to give Calasanz an A+. Either that orhe doesn't teach at all...Calasanz got his A+.Read the paper below to find out why.------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -

PARTNERS AND MARRIAGE

by Eduardo Jose E. Calasanz

I have never met a man who didn't want to beloved. But I have seldom met a man who didn't fearmarriage. Something about the closure seemsconstricting, not enabling. Marriage seems easierto understand for what it cuts out of our lives thanfor what it makes possible within our lives. When I was younger this fear immobilized me. Idid not want to make a mistake. I saw my friendsget married for reasons of social acceptability, orsexual fever, or just because they thought it wasthe logical thing to do. Then I watched, as theyand their partners became embittered and petty intheir dealings with each other. I looked at oldercouples and saw, at best, mutual tolerat ion ofeach other. I imagined a lifetime of loveless nightsand bickering and could not imagine subjectingmyself or someone else to such a fate.And yet, on rare occasions, I would see oldcouples who somehow seemed to glow in eachother's presence. They seemed really in love, notjust dependent upon each other and tolerant ofeach other's foibles. It was an astounding sight,and it seemed impossible. How, I asked myself,can they have survived so many years ofsameness, so much irritation at the other's habits?What keeps love alive in them, when most of usseem unable to even stay together, much less loveeach other? The central secret seems to be inchoosing well. There is something to the claim offundamental compatibility. Good people can createa bad relationship, even though they both dearlywant the relationship to succeed. It is important tofind someone with whom you can create a goodrelationship from the outset. Unfortunately, it ishard to see clearly in the early stages.Sexual hunger draws you to each other and colorsthe way you see yourselves together. It blinds youto the thousands of little things by whichrelationships eventually survive or fail. You need tofind a way to see beyond this initial overwhelmingsexual fascination. Some people choose to involvethemselves sexually and ride out the most heatedperiod of sexual attraction in order to see what ison the other side. This can work, but it can alsoleave a trail of wounded hearts. Others deny thesexual side altogether in an attempt to get to knoweach other apart from their sexuality. But theycannot see clearly, because the presence ofunfulfilled sexual desire looms so large that itkeeps them from having any normal perception ofwhat life would be like together. The truly luckypeople are the ones who manage to become long-time friends before they realize they are attractedto each other. They get to know each other'slaughs, passions, sadness, and fears. They seeeach other at their worst and at their best. Theyshare time together before they get swept into theentangling intimacy of their sexuality.This is the ideal, but not often possible. If you fallunder the spell of your sexual attractionimmediately, you need to look beyond it for otherkeys to compatibility. One of these is laughter.Laughter tells you how much you will enjoy eachother's company over the long term. If yourlaughter together is good and healthy, and not atthe expense of others, then you have a healthyrelationship to the world. Laughter is the child ofsurprise. If you can make each other laugh, youcan always surprise each other. And if you canalways surprise each other, you can always keepthe world around you new. Beware of a relationshipin which there is no laughter. Even the mostintimate relationships based only on seriousnesshave a tendency to turn sour. Over time, sharing acommon serious viewpoint on the world tends toturn you against those who do not share the sameviewpoint, and your relationship can become basedon being critical together.

After laughter, look for a partner who deals with theworld in a way you respect. When two people firstget together, they tend to see their relationship asexisting only in the space between the two ofthem. They find each other endlessly fascinating,and the overwhelming power of the emotions theyare sharing obscures the outside world. As therelationship ages and grows, the outside worldbecomes important again. If your partner treatspeople or circumstances in a way you can'taccept, you will inevitably come to grief. Look atthe way she cares for others and deals with thedaily affairs of life. If that makes you love hermore,your love will grow. If it does not, be careful . Ifyou do not respect the way you each deal with theworld around you, eventually the two of you will notrespect each other.

Look also at how your partner confronts themysteries of life. We live on the cusp of poetry andpracticality, and the real life of the heart residesinthe poetic. If one of you is deeply affected by themystery of the unseen in life and relationships,while the other is drawn only to the literal and thepractical, you must take care that the distancedoesnt become an unbridgeable gap that leavesyou each feeling isolated and misunderstood.

There are many other keys, but you must findthem by ourself. We all have unchangeable partsof our hearts that we will not betray and privatecommitments to a vision of life that we will notdeny. If you fall in love with someone who cannotnourish those inviolable parts of you, or if youcannot nourish them in her, you will find yourselvesgrowing further apart until you live in separateworlds where you share the business of life, butnever touch each other where the heart lives anddreams. From there it is only a small leap to thecataloging of petty hurts and daily failures thatleaves so many couples bitter and unsatisfied withtheir mates.

So choose carefully and well. If you do, you willhave chosen a partner with whom you can grow,and then the real miracle of marriage can takeplace in your hearts. I pick my words carefullywhen I speak of a miracle. But I think it is not toostrong a word. There is a miracle in marriage. It iscalled transformation. Transformation is one of themost common events of nature. The seedbecomes the flower. The cocoon becomes thebutterfly. Winter becomes spring and lovebecomes a child. We never question these,because we see them around us every day. To usthey are not miracles, though if we did not knowthem they would be impossible to believe.Marriage is a transformation we choose to make.Our love is planted like a seed, and in time itbegins to flower. We cannot know the flower thatwill blossom, but we can be sure that a bloom willcome. If you have chosen carefully and wisely, thebloom will be good. If you have chosen poorly or forthe wrong reason, the bloom will be flawed. We arequite willing to accept the reality of negativetransformation in a marriage. It was negativetransformation that always had me terrified of thebitter marriages that I feared when I was younger.It never occurred to me to question the darkmiracle that transformed love into harshness andbitterness. Yet I was unable to accept thepossibility that the first heat of love could betransformed into something positive that wasactually deeper and more meaningful than the heatof fresh passion. All I could believe in was thepower of this passion and the fear that when itcooled I would be left with something lesser andbitter. But there is positive transformation as well.Like negative transformation, it results from a slowaccretion of little things. But instead of death by athousand blows, it is growth by a thousandtouches of love. Two histories intermingle. Twoseparate beings, two separate presence, twoseparate consciousnesses come together andshare a view of life that passes before them. They remain separate, but they also become one. Thereis an expansion of awareness, not a closure and aconstriction, as I had once feared. This is not tosay that there is not tension and there are nottraps. Tension and traps are part of every choice oflife, from celibate to monogamous to havingmultiple lovers. Each choice contains within it thelingering doubt that the road not taken somehowmore fruitful and exciting, and each becomesdulled to the richness that it alone contains. Butonly marriage allows life to deepen and expandand be leavened by the knowledge that two havechosen, against all odds, to become one. Thosewho live together without marriage can know thepleasure of shared company, but there is aspecific gravity in the marriage commitment thatdeepens that experience into something richer andmore complex.

So do not fear marriage, just as you should notrush into it for the wrong reasons. It is an act offaith and it contains within it the power oftransformation.

If you believe in your heart that you have foundsomeone with whom you are able to grow, if youhave sufficient faith that you can resist the endlessattraction of the road not taken and the partner notchosen, if you have the strength of heart toembrace the cycles and seasons that your lovewill experience, then you may be ready to seekthe miracle that marriage offers. If not, then wait.The easy grace of a marriage well made is worthyour patience. When the time comes, a thousandflowers will bloom...endlessly.

lover or the love?

one good old friend asked me yesterday :

"should i blame love for feelin this way..
or should i blame the person for makin me feel this way.. "

im not sure why he asked such question..sabi nya gusto nya lang malaman kung anong isasagot ko.

then i said blame the person and not the love.. just like what this love song says:

it's the lover not the love who broke your heart last night.. right?

- parang sinabi ko na rin na "u should blame me kung nasaktan kita before.."