same day last year

these were her emails same day last year. what if.. she was really pregnant nung mga panahon na to? nanganak na sya for sure.. malaki na siguro yung baby... baka siguro kung tunay nga buntis sya nito.. baka hindi na kami ngayun.. baka sila na ulit.

pag binabasa ko yung emails nya na ganito.. napapangiti ako.. at natutuwa..dahil isa lang ang ibig sabihin nito - nakasurvive kami sa test.

i wanna post this.. so just in case she came across to this entry magbalik sa knya mga ginawa nya.. it seems kc nagkaron sya ng sakit na amnesia. :) i'm not creating stories or nambabaliktad ng kwento like what she was telling everyone..

From: g**** g****
Subject: for you allan
To:
Date: Friday, 11 April, 2008, 11:24 AM

HI!

i miss u heaven.i really do.but everyday im starting to learn and accept things as they are.i miss you cuz i still love you.and im not the kind of person to pretend and tell u ive already forgotten you..u knowme.

evrday, it'sreally ahrd..evrytym may makita kong magjowa na makulit naalala kita..tayo..last nyt at lrt may katabi ko na magjowang uber kulit..and i remember you..see? as ive toldyou, good memories remain.ive laready forgiven you long ago..i dont know but sad and bad memories seldomly hit me now, mas naalala ko yung masya.and it makes me smile but miss you more, but i guess it'snormal.

i dont know realy how to reach you cuz it's seems to me na she holds all ur accts..emails/frenster/multiply..and there are things that shud be said between you and me lang.im not here to ruin your relationship,im here kasi nangangamusta lang.

i was surprised one day to realize that ndi na ikaw ang may hawak ng multiply acct mo,i dont know but madali sakin to recognize tlaga na ndi ikaw ung sumasagot sa emailko..and everytime she pretends to be you in all emails whatsoever..binabara ko sya..nabibisto ko sya..i hve no intensions of manggulo..all my letters are jjust plain pangangamusta..nothing pushy,nothing malaswa, nothing mapanira..it'sjust to lame para magpretned syang ikaw..i have no intensions of getting between you guys.i just dont get it why she have to call me and pretend to be you.that'stoo much,i deserve respect from her end. i dont accept her sorry kasi it'stoo plastic..though she said it's sincere..alamko kung san ko ilalgay ang sarili ko..kaya dapat alamdin nya ang posisyon nya sa buhay ko..i dont need her sorry.its better for her na tumahimik na lang sya.

well, so much for that, just tell her na she shud stop doing things like that.kasi nagmumukha syang stupid tlga.it's tiring na po allan.nakakapagod na sya.nkita mo naman, yung usapan nmin sa multiply, i wont create the letter kung di nya ko inupisahan ng 4miskols nya.i \just dont get it...magkasama na kayo, bkit ako pa yung ginugulo nya?she shud be contented na magkasam\a na kayo jan.

im down ad\nd problematic,may mas imporatnateng bagay po na dapt ko ayusin.misskita.and thanks sa alaalang iniwan mo.si jane pa lang ang nakakaalam ng sitwast\yon ko..at kayo.and i have no intensions na ipagkalat pato.not now.so kip ur wife's mouth shut.tell her to leave mealone.after u settled the creditcard, u wont be hearing anything again fromme.iwana cut the connection.napapagod na ko sa panggugulo sakin ng asawa mo.wagmo ispin ang responsibilidad mo sakin.i have my family to support me..ur baby is in good hands..naiiyak lang ako misan,sobrang telenovela ang buhay ko.mahal pa din kita,pero tlgang ganun ang buhay.wag mo mamisinterpret na galit ako sa letter, im too relaxed and mahinahon.
asfor my job,maayos at masya ako.

masya ko na msaya ka jan,sincerely..i wish you the best.imiss you but i dont expect na mmamiss modin ako.masya na kong ok ka jan.mahaba pa ang buhay natin ven..alam ko mawalan man us ng communication, darating ang araw magkikita tayo.maybe pag lolo at lola na tayo.pag namiss mo ko tingin ka na lang sa langit..hehehe.

ingats.dito ka an lang magreply.sana nmnndi mo ipaalam ang password ng email ko na to sa kanya. *-*.. i trust you na itong emails na to ay discreetlang.wla nmn akong masamang gagawin. ito lang yung best way na naiisip ko paramakausap kaw/o her interfering.allan,napapgod na ko sa asawa mo.as ivesaid,di ko sisirain kung anung meron kayo..mamumuhay akong magisa at malayo.

ingats.regards.email me back.kwentuhan mo ko.

pS
nabasa mo naba yung comment ko sa post mo na river maya??

email me back.

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From:
Subject: clearing things
To:
Date: Friday, 11 April, 2008, 5:03 PM

thanks for the calls..but u dont need to be responsinble for this.im positive but still ahvent gone to OB..maybe ur just checkng if im bluffing..but im not..it'potive..maybe magtwo months na to..u dont ahve to send money or any suport cuz i wont accept it..imficne..and willalways be..wag na nating paguluhin pa ang buhay ko..tma na ang natapos na tayo..kung anu man ang naiwan mo..salamt ng sobra..but ur out of my life now.and im alone..it's ok.

what i want no is to be peaceful..tma na ang twag ng asawa mo at ang anik anik na ginagawa nya sa blogs ng multiply.wag na nya kamo ko try saktn ng paulit ult..dahil baka magising sya isang araw ng sya ang umiiyak.tell her to leave me alone.

i just informed you cuz it'sur ryt to know, but it doesnt mean i u'll still be a part of everything.just be good there and maybe one day if our paths crossed again, dun na alng..ganun na lang..hope and wish ko maging ok na to unlike the first one we had..i repaet i dont need any support.

deleted entry : DESPERATE

*pag wala ako magawa binabasa ko 'to.. and as always.. di ko mapigilang mapangiti sa mga emails nya na nakakatuwa.. :)

Dear Mr.Allan F,

I would like to inform you that it has come to my knowledge that you will be having an opening for the new GF. Ive been there once and im sorry if i have shown tardiness and unappreciation.I know that these were not good thingsto be at but IM telling you that i sincerely apologizing for everything that i may have caused you.

All the qualificatin below aresuch that i believe i possessed and i know in time you will realizethat i am just all you need and to be with.Ivce been away for somequite timebut now im back to be a all-new-love ralationsgip experience.I will chagemy attitude and promisethat I will do anythingjust to be with you again.You know howbrave I am..but when it comesto you I should say that i feeel some kind of scarebut I will fight and go on until you are back in my arms:

QUalifications tthat i promise you to do until my dying day:

1: Ill scratch your back even if its not itchy so later o..it will
2.ill cook cormbip and siomai for your indulgece
3. ill tickle those little hairs in your armpit
4. i will never let you down agen.
5. i will be there weever i need to be there
6. i will fight for you even this isno battle
7. iwill give us hope though it might seems hopeless at all
8. i will make you lovemore my body ad everything in between
9. wewill taste the fruitand flavors of love so delicious that you wont get rid of
10. i will be there to amke you realize your worthin your carreerand wwhat you are capableof doing
11. wewiill be travelling even we are pennyless
12. i dont care if you will love me back for as long you let me love you.
13. you will hear nothing from meregarding the past issues
14. im willing to build a family w/ you that you maycall "the family"
15.i will be the one you have tyo carryform the night of our wedding until the day i died
16. i shall never let anyone harm us.
17. i will take care of you and your offsprings to be
18. i will be there even if you needed or needed menot.
19. ill pray for you
20. I WILL OFFER YOU THE LOVELINESS AD JOY THAT A RELATIONSHIP CAN HAVE
21. I WILL GIVE YOU A LIFETIME SPAN OF LOYALTY, LOVE UNSELFISHLY
22. I'LL PUT YOU FIRST BEFORE ME
23. WHAN YOU GOT OLDAND GREY..I WILL EVER LEAVE YOUR BED EVEN I TIMES OF DEATH
24. I BELIEVE IN LOVE SO EVERLASTING THAT EVEN TRIALS COULD NEVER BE A SUCCESS
25. YOU WILL ALWAYSBE MY HEAVEN AND I WILL BE YOUR ANGEL NO MATTER WWHAT.

YOU SEE.. IM JUST WHO YOU NEED..ILL BE SOMEONE YOU WILL BE NEEDING OF:YOU JUST HAVE TO HIRE ME.BECAUSE I SUPER DUPERLOVE YOU..IT DRIVES ME CRAZY..THAT IF YOU HAVE TO LEAVE ME..YOU MUST TAKE THE BLADES SO SARP AND SLASH THEBLOOD AND SUCK THE VERY LAST BLOOD THAT I HAVE TO BLEED..

YOU WILL ALWAYS AIR THAT I WILL BREATHE..I LOVE YOU.

NAME: GENAL*** *****
AGE: 23 Y.O
ADDRESS:YOU KNOW WHERE
MOBILE#: SAME AS WHAT YOU KNOW
COMPANY: ATI

SHOULD YOU HAVE QUERIES..PLS FEEL FREE TO CONTACT ME AT MY RESPECTIVE CONTACT NUMBERS.

SINCERELY,
ANGEL DYEN*

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HEAVENKONG MAHAL..2 WEEKS..HULING TAWAD..hehe..wagkang malugkot..papasayahin kita..siusumpa ko yan mahal ko..wag mo itindihin mga ginawa mo..trials lang yan..we will survive..trust me..two weeks of being mie..pagbigyan mo ko..i wont let this things to happen..jack en poy lang katapat lahat ng paghihirap natin..maamya..sasaya na us..you will see..

alammo nakitako nga pala si calix sa lrt last time..student pa pla..unlikeyou..you are so succesful..mmmpp...galing galing mo tlga..pakiss nga..MWAHHHH

---------

I LOVE YOU..YOU CAN TURN M AWAY..BUT YOU CANT ESCAPEME..IMSORRY BUT I CANT GIVE YOU WHAT YOU WANT..CUZ I WILL LEAVE YOU NEVER..SORRY..2WEEKS IS AL IM ASKING..AREYOU SCARED OF FALLING IN LOVE SO HARD WITH ME AGAIN?I WILL MAKE OU FALL SO HARD..ILL LET YOU EXPERIENCE GREAT LOVING AND HAPPINESS YOU HAVEEVER KNOW..I WILL SURPASS EVERYTHING..ILL MAKE YOU SEE THAT..YOU AHVE TO BE WITH ME CUZ IM THEONE YU LOVE..

---------

ven..2wiks..i dont care what youhave done..im mpre than willing to accept you..after 2wiks and you still dont wana be with me..masakit pero i know ihave to do this..this is my chance and dont want to let this happen..i know you still love me..i ws wrong..ur happy with her?..well..i dont care..she is not here..imwilling to risk it all..ill prove to you..ndi ako panandaliang saya lang ag maibibigay..what imgiving you is a lifetime of loyalty.love and happiness..maybe she was just a thing in the past that we oth have to get rid of..i know in the end love will always remain..i really love you..u ust hve to be happy with meeven for 2weeks..after that illlet you decide..3yrs ang binuno ko..wont let anyone ruin what i have built..ang sew what i have planted..i want to be strong for you..for us..even it means stepping down and bowing down on you..

you just have to forget her..cuz you have to accept your relationship is too shallow/..i hope that you wouldt just tur me away just like this..nagmamakawa ako sayo ven..klangan kita ipaglaban..i wont be able to live w/o you..we belong together..you just have to bare with me..im tellig you after this..we will be happier and sweeter..you belong to me..sakin ka lang..though it hurts..sakin ka lang..mahal na mhal kita..just let me have this last chance if you may callit..but for as long as i can see and feel a single or just apercent of love in your eyes for me..ill take it..susugal ako..wag ka lang mawala..i know you love me..you have to choose me..ill let you see what is TRUE LOVE means..you ust have to have faith in me..

i can never give you things that she gave you..but it wold be nonsense once they were gone..imfoolisg and crazy..but for AS LONG AS I LIVEYOU WILL STILL BE THE AIR THAT I HAVE TO BREATHE..prove menow your love and undying promises..you need not to be alone..I AM ALL WHAT YOU NEED..I GOT ALL WAT YOU NEED..sorry for everything..but i cant let you go just like this..mahal na mahal kita heave ko..i'll always be your angel..

WANTED LIFE PARTNER : interested?

I was checking our company email and still got 200 unread messages at talaga naman nababagot na ko.. and then i opened this message. Baka po interesado kayo may naghahanap po ng life partner. check this out!

Greetings dear,

I am Norhana BT Ahmad, a native of Malaysia nationality, born in Malaysia and raised in Philippines and a divorcee. I would like to have a long lasting and confidant relationship with you, if possible entrusting my life time fortune into your possession, as now I am broken hearted and needs someone to trust, without remembering my past and forsaken experiences from close confidants and family. I need someone, who would take me for whom I am and as a life time partner, after making claims of my deposited life savings. Well, from your profile, I believe in me that you ought to be an honest person. I would like to give you a brief description of my life. I was once the mistress of President, Joseph Estrada of Philippines, and during his tenure in office, I was been used as a courier to depositing his funds, but due to the fracas I had with his wife, Madam Loi and her son, Jude, it causes a public embarrassment and people came to know that I had been having an affair with the President.

But, not quite long, I was arrested, together with his wife and son, in connection with the 27th July, 2003, failed coup, which I did not have anything to do with, but was alleged that I have been harboring some of the dissident and arms in one of the villas, bought for me by the president. But, now, I have been released and I am under security watch and seriously monitored. All, I wanted from you is to assist me make claims of some funds, I deposited in West Africa ,as the other deposits documents have been confiscated and seized by the government of Madam Gloria, the current President.
But, this one is the only one they could not see, as I did keep the documents with one of my close confidant, who was also arrested. The Amount being deposited is much about 18 million Euros, as this was the money that was supposed to be used by the President to acquire coffee and cocoa from West Africa, All, I want from you, now is your honesty and sincerity, As soon as this money is claimed by you, I will look for a way out and sneaked out of Philippines and travel down to meet you, So we can go into a life time partnership together, in investing this money in any good country you prefer. You can always reply me to this private address [ahmad.bt.norhana@live.com]..Sincerely yours,Norhana Bt Ahmad

meet our baby : KIDLAT or MAYUMI

6 more months to go at lalabas na ang first baby namin. We're really excited to finally see and touch our baby. Next month malalaman na namin kung girl or boy. I hope girl cause I'm not really in favor of the name KIDLAT if ever boy nga.. pero ang instinct ko babae talaga to kaya MAYUMI ang name nito. Sa hindi ko malamang dahilan gustong ipangalan ng asawa ko ang KIDLAT sa magiging anak namin.. astig daw. ayoko talaga.. di naman yun pangalang pangtao diba? Help me.. let him know di maganda ang kidlat.

we're so happy to see our baby moving so fast. yung OB ko tuwang tuwa din kasi ang likot! hhayyzz can't wait.. :)

Cute naman si DORA ah?!

May nangungulit kasi sakin magpapatatto na daw sya. Sabi ko ok lang naman sakin eh..basta gusto ko si DORA ang design ng tatto nya.

eh ayaw naman nya.. cute nga ni DORA eh colorful pa! Kahit buong braso or buong likod.. kahit ilang tattoo pa sa katawan payag ako ok lang.. basta ang gusto ko si DORA! hhehhe
sige na mister.. ok lang kahit mamaya magpatatto ka na! basta DORA ah?! mmwuuaahh!

ang gwapo ng mister ko oh.. mukhang maangas.. tas may tatto pa sa braso.. DORA nga lang!

just smile..

whenever i read words that could make me cry.. i smile.
like now, i'm reading things that once upon a time hurt me so bad..

but still.. i just smile.

ngiti lang ng ngiti.. wala na ko dapat isipin at itanong.. everything that i've asked before ibinigay na sakin ang sagot.

smile!

hubby's 1st exhibit

March 12,2009. It was the opening day for an art exhibit titled "silent conversation" here in Dubai. Sobrang happy ni mister! Looking at him.. sobrang saya ko na rin as his wife. Sobrang proud ako sa lahat ng mga ginagawa nya.

i love you mahal.. like what i told you.. in or out ka man sa mga exhibit or competition ako pa rin ang number 1 fan mo. i will always believe in your talent.. i have nothing to do with whatever you are achieving right now.. wala akong kinalaman dun..it's all because of you. you're working so hard para lalo ka pang gumaling.

love na love ka namin ni baby.. and i will always be your proud wife! mwuah! :)

another day after March 12

Yes.. everyday is a new day. I'm glad how my tummy's growing bigger each day. My hubby's taking good care of me..sobra. Hindi ko talaga alam kung pa'no ko mabubuhay ng wala sya sa tabi ko. We're more than just a happy couple. :)

I can't help to smile thinking about us in the past. Kung paano kami naging strong para sa family namin. He really changed a lot. Ako rin.. madami na ring nagbago sakin after that incident. At samin.. marami ring nagbago. Hindi naman kami nagpatalo sa problema eh.. tanggap ko na lahat married couple dumadaan sa mga trials para lalong tumibay.. look at us.. kakadaan lang ng bagyo pero masaya pa rin kami.

Hindi ko na rin masyadong naiisip yungmga nangyari.. i could even read their emails na hindi na naluluha ang mata ko. Yes, I still read some of those stuff sometimes.. and kinakapa ko sarili ko if I'm still feeling the pain... kung minsan pag naaalala may kirot pa rin. Just like yesterday, March 12. Bigla ko na lang naalala what happened same day last year. Ang hirap kasi sakin ang talas ng memory ko. hehhe I remembered calling him but his phone was cannot be reached. He's with ex pala that time and celebrating their monthsary. Well, I wonder how she managed to have sex with him kahit na aware naman sya na kasal na ang exbf nya. Or siguro, hindi ko lang din talaga sya masisi. Ayayay.. pag-ibig. :p peace! How could I ever forget.. eto yung mga panahon na inis na inis ako sa dyenatari account.. hhayyz.. after six months dun ko lang nalaman kung sino pala talaga ang nasa likod ng account na yun.. ;(

But that's all in the past.. pag naaalala ko natatawa na lang ako.. I'm glad we're together pa rin. Stronger and happier than before.

Ok lang naman na balikan ko yung mga pangit na nangyari.. hindi ko yun buburahin sa utak ko.. or tatakbuhan na lang palage.. what happened in the past will always be a part of me.. naniniwala ako na nakamove on na ang isang tao kapag kaya nya alalahanin at balikan ang nakaraan ng wala ng sakit na nararamdaman.

Falling in love

I remembered reading this piece in one of my speech class during college. It was Claire who gave me a copy of this. :)

FALLING IN LOVE
from the book, Letters To My Son, by Kent Norburn

It is a mystery why we fall in love.
It is a mystery how it happens.
It is a mystery when it comes.
It is a mystery why some love grows and it is a mystery why some love fails.

You can analyze the mystery and look for reasons and causes but you will never do anymore than take the life out of the experience. Just as life itself is more than the sum of the bones and muscles and electrical impulses in the body, love is more than the sum of the interests and attractions and commonalities that two people share. And just as life itself as a gift that comes and goes its own time, so too, the coming of love must be taken as an unfavorable gift cannot be questioned in its ways.

Sometimes hopefully at least once in your life, the gift of love will come to you in full flower and you will take hold of it and celebrate it in all inexpressible beauty. This is the dream we all share. More often, it will come and take hold of you, celebrate you for a brief moment, then move on.
When this happens to young people they too often try to grasp love and hold it to them, refusing to see that it is a gift that is freely given and a gift that just as freely moves away. When they fall out of love or the person they love feels the spirit of love leaving, they try desperately to restrain the love that is lost rather than accepting the gift for what it was, then moving on.

They want answers where there are no answers. They want to know what is wrong in them that makes the other person no longer love them, or they try to get their love to change thinking that if some small things were different, love would bloom again. They blame their circumstances and say that if they go far away and start a new life together, their love will grow.

They try anything to give meaning to what has happened. But there is no meaning beyond the love itself and until they accept its own mysterious ways, they live in a sea of misery.
You need to know this about love, and accept it. You need to treat what it brings you with kindness. If you find yourself in love with someone who does not love you, be gentle with yourself. There is nothing wrong with you. Love just didnt choose to rest in the other person’s heart.

If you find someone else in love with you and you dont love her, feel honored that love came and called at your door, but gently refuse the gift that you cant return. Dont take advantage, dont cause pain. How you deal with love is how you deal with you and all our hearts feel the same pains and joys, even if our lives and ways are different.

If you fall in love with another, and she falls in love with you, and then love chooses to leave, do not try to reclaim it or to assess blame. Let it go. There is a reason and there is a meaning you will know in time.

Remember that you dont choose love, love chooses you. All you can really do is accept it for all its mystery when it comes into your life. Feel the way it fills you to overflowing then reach out and give it away. Give it back to the person who brought it alive. Give it to others who deem it poor in spirit. Give it to the world around you in anyway you can.

There is where many lovers go wrong. Having been so long without love, they understand love only as a need. They see their hearts as empty places that will be filled by love, and they begin to look at love as something that flows to them rather than from them. The first blush of new love filled to overflowing, but as their love cools, they revert to seeing their love as a need. They cease to be someone who generates love and instead becomes someone who seeks love. They forgot that the secret of love is that it is a gift and that it can be made to grow only by giving it away.
Remember this, and keep it to your heart. Love has its own time, its own reasons, and its own reason for coming and going. You cant bribe it or coerce it, or reason it into staying. You can only embrace it when it arrives and give it away when it comes to you. But if it chooses to leave from your heart or from the heart of your lover, there is nothing you can do and there is nothing you should do. Love always has been and always will be a mystery. Be glad that it came to live for a moment in your life.

If you keep your heart open, love will come again.

spell PAIN

i don't know kung pano ko nakukkuhang basahin ng paulit-ulit ang mga salitang pumapatay sa'kin..

i almost memorized this one.. ito ang pinakapaborito ko sa lahat..

imagine me reading this.. with a smile on my face. ang sarap sana basahin.. kung para sakin lang sana 'to. but it's not for me.. but for somebody else.

"wala lang. miss lang tlga kita. sana kasama kita. wag mo isipin na nakalimutan na kita. dahil d lumalagpas ang bawat oras at araw na hindi kita iniisip at naaalala. sa totoo lang hindi ko alam ang irereact ko sa pagabroad mo. d ko alam kung malulungkot ako or matutuwa. para kasing naglalaho na katuparan ng mga plano ko. natutuwa ako in a way na pwede kita makasa dito at magsimula. pero ayaw ko dito. toxic ang magabroad. nalulungkot ako pag naiisip ko na mararanasan mo kung pano ang magtrabaho dito. dahil hindi masaya. alam ko pagsisisihan mo pag pumunta ka dito pero d ko alam kung paano kita mapagsasabihan. iba kasi ang interpretasyon mo pag sinasabi ko iyon. akala mo ayaw kita makita. kung alam mo lang sabik na sabik na ako makasama ka. mahal na mahal kita. mahal na mahal. hindi mo alam kung ano ang pagnanais ko at pananalangin na sana lagi kita kasama. mahal na mahal kita. magiingat ka sana palagi. walang kahit anong bagay, pangyayari, or sino man ang makakapagpaalis sayo sa isip at puso ko. mahal na mahal kita. pero sinabi ko na sa sarili ko. isang taon lang ako dito. tatapusin ko lang ang one year at pupuntahan kita. aayusin ko ang lahat. yayakapin uli kita at di na bibitawan pa. mahal na mahal kita. mahal na mahal. ingat ka plagi."