yosi kadiri no more

hithit buga.

yes. i must admit.. minsan din akong nahumaling sa paninigarilyo. yosi dito.. yosi don.. wag lang sa harapan ng nanay ko. i remember the first time i tried to smoke.. sobrang trying hard ata ako nun na kahit na nahihilo na at nauubo sige lang ng sige.. marlboro lights ang brand na ginagamit ko. masarap kasi na kapartner sa pagtambay nun sa creek (malapit sa plm) ang yosi, partner sa candy after ng lunch, partner sa puyatan, sa paggawa nun ng project / thesis, pagrereview, gimikan, kwentuhan, sa alak, sa homesick at sa broken heart. But i'm not the type na bumibili ng isang pack.. siguro hindi pa din ako macoconsider na malakas magyosi kasi hindi naman hinahanap ng sistema ko ang paninigarilyo pag wala talagang yosi sa harapan ko. sa inuman lang talaga gusto ko na may hawak na sigarilyo.

until i met my husband. he warned me na mag-aaway talaga kami pag nakita nya ko magyosi. before pag wala sya lumulusot ako.. pasimple at patago. minsan nagpapalusot ako.. nagtatanggal lang ako ng stress sa work kaya ako nagyoyosi.

pero ngayon napansin ko.. medyo matagal na rin pala akong hindi humahawak ng yosi. the other day, after ng isang sobrang masarap na lunch bigla ko nafeel na gusto ko manigarilyo.. sabi ng utak ko.. bumili ako ng yosi. talaga naman, may tumutukso na naman sakin.. when i went to the store and was about to buy one.. bigla ko naisip na hindi ko nman pala kelangan magyosi. in short napaglabanan ko ang urge ko na manigarilyo.

wala naman talagang magandang dulot na mabuti sa katawan ng tao ang paninigarilyo. sana lang mapangatawanan ko na tong pagbabago na to.. not for my husband na magagalit sakin pag ngyosi ako.. hindi ako magbabago para sa ibang tao.. dahil for sure hindi ko yun completely magagawa.. kaya magbabago ako para sa sarili ko.

wish me luck!

pero aaminin ko minsan talaga aaminin ko may bumubulong sakin na gusto ko daw ng yosi.. aargh..

dark side of your sign daw

Capricorn (Dec 22 - Jan 19)
You are rather materialistic and it is fueled by your fears of
financial disaster. This makes you complain about monetary woes,
irritating many with your obnoxious attitude. You can also be a Social
climber, manipulating your way up the ladder; name-dropping all the way
to the top. Once in a while, you'll have morbid thoughts about Death
something that scares you because you have no control over it. You tend
to be obsessive about your mortality sometimes.

Advice
Stop worrying about losing money, and you'd rid yourself of unfounded
nightmares. Stop manipulating others and you'll be free to concentrate
on attaining your goals. Get rid of your phobias and you'll be able to
relax more and enjoy yourself.

Aquarius (Jan 20 - Feb 18)
You tend to be too idealistic and na*ve sometimes. Practicality gets
thrown out of the window by you many times. Cool and aloof, you rarely
want to deal with deep emotions. You like to give advice but don't like
to receive it. And ideas and inspirations that you sometimes neglect.
Or
follow through with them are constantly bombarding you. Or else you are
constantly shifting focus, giving people the idea with no staying
power.
Advice
Take time to explore your private feelings. Not all people see things
your way. And just because you come up with ideas, don't expect other
people to do all the work for you. Learn to trust people and accept
advice.

Pisces (Feb 19 - Mar 20)
You are an escapist - you have this knack of avoiding issues if they
seem unpleasant. You delve into past memories to escape your present
woes. There is also a tendency towards alcoholism and even drug abuse &
you are on a search for some kind of 'high'. You also love to flirt and
too much of it may send the wrong, dangerous signals out to other
people. Once in a while, a dark mood will descend on you and you become
rather
unsociable and withdrawn.
Advice
Trust your instincts, but also be in control of your perceptions.
Whenever the escapist tendency hits you, join a seminar or get a pep
talk from a friend to get your perspective right.

Aries (Mar 21 - Apr 20)
A warrior at heart, you thrive on challenges and any strife and dramas,
you are tempted to stir things up, just to keep yourself happy. You are
also rather intolerant of mistakes and don't have patience for weakness
or failings in others. And sometimes, you can be quite a snob as well
you like to be seen at the right places or wear the right clothes. And
you're also prone to bossiness. Your restless nature may make you quit
a project suddenly if you can't sustain the interest.
Advice
Get off your high horse and pay your dues before people will accept
you. Learn to be more tolerant of others and try to see the other
person's side of the story. If you believe in what you do, you can move
mountains.

Taurus (Apr 21 - May 20)
You are stubborn and like to hold onto things, not wanting to let go of
anything or anyone. You are slow to anger, but when you do get worked
up
to a rage - everyone step aside! You also have a selfish streak and can
be quite sneaky as well. And although people may see you as helpful and
agreeable, you sometimes have an inner struggle wanting the approval of
others while sticking to your own opinions. You also tend to be
suspicious of others and question their motives.
Advice
Stop being mean and try to be nice. Learn to forgive and let go of your
past disappointments. Learn from your mistakes and have faith in
yourself and others as well.

Gemini (May 21 - Jun 21)
Your devil-may-care attitude sometimes could bring harm to yourself *
you tend to live on the edge sometimes. Many of you believe that you
don't deserve success, somehow feeling guilty for it. You may give
others too much of yourself sometimes that you lose yourself. You may
be
prone to suppressing motions as well. And at times that Makes it
difficult for you to accept affection and love.
Advice
Work at listening to others and don't be tempted to try daring devil
stunts all the time. And try doing something for yourself and once in a
while, in between, doing favors for others. You're human, after all.

Cancer (Jun 22 - Jul 22)
You can get carried away with emotions - your anger is overwhelming and
your sadness can depress all those around you. You're also
ultra-sensitive to other people's emotions and are affected by these as
well. You tend to react before you think and then brood about what you
may have done or said wrong. You are also prone to periods of
morbidity,
thinking dark thoughts. Feelings of insecurity creep in now and then,
making you snappish or else you try to win the approval of everyone at
your expense.
Advice
Accept that you are hypersensitive to emotions and work with yours. Go
with the flow and by doing the right thing, you set an example for
others. Work with others and this will help build your confidence and
open you up.

Leo (Jul 23 - Aug 22)
On the rare occasion you lose your temper, you can turn into a savage
beast. You seem to need an audience as well, to help boost your
confidence and ego, sometimes. Other times, you get caught up in the
outward dramas of your life that you neglect what you're feeling
inside.
This results in a delayed reaction when emotions sneak up on you and
you
get hit with a whammy. You also tend to be proud and aggressive,
cloaking these with your charm. When things don't go your way, you get
impatient and may even throw a tantrum.
Advice
Learn to spend some time alone with yourself and get to know yourself
better. And learn to experience your emotions at the moment; don't
store
them up for another time. And know that not all means justify the ends.

Virgo (Aug 23 - Sep 22)
You have a martyr complex, feeling that you were put on this earth to
do good work and not receive any credit for it. You tend to be ultra
critical of yourself and others and you also worry about things that
are beyond your control. A little pessimistic sometimes, you tend to be an
intellectual snob. You bottle up all your insecurities and fears, and
hesitate to reach out for help. And once in a while, you become a
busybody - that's when you also feel responsible for
other people's problems.
Advice
Modesty has its own limits - take credit for your efforts. Give
yourself a break and know that you do not have to be successful in
everything you do. Keep focused and don't get tangled in other people's
affairs too often.

Libra (Sep 23 - Oct 23)
Your inability to reach a decision in matters of personal action is
legendary. You like to weigh all the alternatives and hear every side
of an argument - but this may take time and opportunities may pass you by
because of it. You also like to expand energy on people who may not
deserve it. You want to help the underdog. You are also sensitive to
criticism and may take mild statements of fact very personally.
Advice
Follow your instincts and act on them - stop sitting on fences. Don't
blindly trust people; learn to be a little more discriminating in your
offers of help. Learn to think for yourself and don't be swayed by
persuasive tongues.

Scorpio (Oct 24 - Nov 21)
You have a revengeful streak and a long memory for past hurts.
Sometimes you're downright spiteful. When you suffer, you make sure
others suffer along with you. Sometimes, you may even use deception to
get what you want and to influence others to stay out of your way. You
may even believe these untruths and unrealistic fears will grow on you.
Once in a while, you may come across someone that just rubs you on the
wrong
Side for no apparent reason and you make it your mission to bury him or
her.
Advice
Fight the negative emotions that arise in you, and resentment will not
sour your life. Don't' give into temptation to tell lies, Learn to
conquer your strong tendency towards revenge and things will fall into
place for you.

Sagittarius (Nov 22 - Dec 21)
You've got a big mouth and unwittingly hurt an insult people with it.
You can even go to utter strangers and give unsolicited advice and
comments. You also seem to enjoy verbal duels with others whenever you
can. And you sure can make sore losers, even suspecting foul play if
things don't go your way. You have a knack for confrontation and you
can't resist being sarcastic. You also don't think too much of many
people, because you have a mild superiority complex. Vanity is also a
trait in many of you.
Advice
Learn with whom you can be frank otherwise keep your comments to
yourself. Discretion is the better part of valor. Curb your cockiness,
and you can combine it with your concern for serious issues, aiding in
your search for truth.

yes..i sent you flowers!

Babae ako.. but I love giving flowers.. ang weird nun pero totoo. Well I guess that’s one the masculine side of me. Of course I would be very happy to receive flowers din naman.. as in sobrang haba ng ngiti ko nun for sure. But the feeling of giving flowers? Believe me..iba talaga.. lalo pag nalaman mo na sobrang happy yung binigyan mo.

Yung hubby ko ilang beses ko na binigyan ng Flowers.. sumusuko na nga kasi nahihiya na daw sya. Hehehe. Nakakatwa lang din yung experienced ko.. the first time.. pinagawa ko pa yun sa dangwa coz I wanted to choose which flowers and kung anong gagamitin na materials. They couldn’t believe it when I told them it’s for my bf kaya dapat nilang gandahan. The second time.. bumili lang ako sa Dangwa to surprised him again but this time ako na mismo ang naghatid sa office nya.. so I’m the sender and the delivery girl wrapped all in one. I’ve heard the same line again from the taxi driver.. “ ang swerte naman ng bf mo”., and lague ko sinasabi.. mas swerte ako sa kanya. Kung anu-ano din yung narinig ko sa security guards sa building nila hanggang sa elevator.. I remember sabi nung isang lalake.. “siguro ang gwapo nung lalake na yun.. sya pa hinahatiran ng flowers..” Actually, I just want to invite him to have a lunchdate that day.. and this was the note on the card “ will u be my luch date?” ang sweet ko diba? hhehe Third was on our 7th monthsary, nagsend ako ng flowers and cake sa office nila dito na sa Dubai.. and as usual nahihiya talaga sya.

I remember how my lola cried nung ngsend din kami ni hubby sa kanya ng flowers for her birthday.. may sakit pa sya nun and can’t even talk. Nikwento lang yun samin ng mga tita and tito naming nung nandun.. nagiiyakan daw silang lahat. =)

Few months back I sent pink flowers to a friend.. well I guess nasiyahan nman sya.. it was nice to know na may napapasaya kang tao just because of giving them nice flowers.
Yung pinaka last na flowers na nisend ko was for someone na hindi ko kaano-ano..may mahabang kwento.. marami rin yung message ma gustong iparating... she’s not a friend or a foe. I don’t even know why I sent her flowers.. I was once so mad at her.. but It was something Im grateful to do. Masaya ako sa ginawa ko.. I have no idea if she liked the flowers.. pero hindi ko na yun iniisip.. ang mahalaga I tried to make her feel better that day.

I remember when hubby surprised me with 3 pink roses.. no occasion.. gusto lang nya ko bigyan… hhayyzz ang sarap talaga pag binibigyan ng flowers.. lalo na nga mahal mo na mahal na mahal ka rin.. lubshu mahal.

May mga kwentong malungkot behind those flowers .. mga kwentong tapos na at pag-naaalala nakakapagpalungkot lang sakin. I even cry at times..
Pero ang tapos na ay nangyari na.. and as I move forward.. iniiwanan ko na ang mga kwentong yun at inaalala ko na lang yung masasayang nangyari nung nagbigay ako ng bulaklak ng buong puso.

Well I guess that's the most important part ....i sencerely gave flowers.. at sinasama ko ang puso ko sa bawat bulaklak na ibinibigay ko.

- i remember somebody posted "the truth behind the roses she got from a guy", i know to hurt me in a way.. and yes i was hurt knowing what really happened with those roses. But i don't think it will stop me to give flowers... and to stop me loving that person.. will never happened. :)

random thoughts

it's almost midnight and i'm still awake
hungry
craving for pizza and siomai
thinking about the future
thinking about the past
asking questions over and over again
seeking for answers
forgive,forget,let go, move on
lost
tito's snoring so loud.. haha sakit sa tenga
sleep..sleep..sleep na ko later
looking forward sa one-year anniv.. :)
when r we gonna watch monster inc? i thought today.. well.. may nakalimot.
asking what if.. im not jenny.. sasamahan mu ba ko kanina voluntarily kc gabi na at delikado maglakad sa gabi?
mahirap ba mapilitan?
stupid jing comparing again.

work again tomorrow..

zzzzzzzzz

babae na ko sa 2009! :)

"magpapakababae na ako sa taong 2009!" at syempre nung marinig yan ng magaling kong asawa eh tinawanan lang ako... at katakot takot na pang-aasar lang ang narinig ko.

"magmumukha ka lang bading.." - oh diba napakasupportive ni habibi!

minsan naisip ko nga bakit ba hindi ako lumaking babae. siguro kasi nasanay ako na mga lalake ang kasama ko. hindi ako lumalabas ng naka-skirt.. jeans at shirt ang lague kong suot. hate ko rin ang uniform ko sa PLM na pencil cut ang style ng palda.. at kahit na ganun ang suot ko nakikipagunahan ako sa pagsakay ng jeep pabyaheng divisioria - at ilang beses na rin ako nawarakan ng palda. nung nagwowork na ko nagsimula na ko magsuot ng mejo pambabae na blouse pero parang lalake pa rin ako. hahha ewan.. hindi ko rin maintindihan kung bakit hindi ko talaga trip ang mga pa-gurl na gamit.

hindi rin ako sanay magsuot ng shoes na may heels. actually, hindi talaga ako mahilig sa mga sapatos at damit.. hindi ako yung tipong lague bumibili dahil hindi ako nasanay na may bagong damit nung bata ako. hindi ko nakasanayan na makisabay sa uso.. hanggat meron akong nagagamit na sapatos at damit hindi ko maaalalang bumili.

hindi rin ako marunong mag-ayos ng sarili. hindi ako marunong magmake-up. ang alam ko lang gamitin sa work ay powder at lipstick. wala rin akong kikay kit kahit na nung dalaga pa ko. may pagkatamad din kc ako mag-ayos. heheh

makapal din ang kilay ko dahil hindi ako marunong magbunot at mag-ahit ng kilay. nakakatawa kasi bago kami ikasal ay nagpa-ayos ako ng kilay at nakita ako ng asawa ko na umiiyak. syet naman talaga ang sakit pala magpathreading ng kilay! iyak to the max talaga ako.. si mister walang magawa kundi tignan ako na umiiyak.. hahha pinagtattawanan nila ako lahat pero siya pinapatigil na si ate.

hindi rin ako laman ng parlor... actually, sa taong 2008 isang beses lang ako nagpagupit ng hair and that was january pa. ang mga kuko ko sa paa at kamay ay nail cutter lang ang nararanasan. sobrang kong pinupudpod ang mga kuko ko kc di ako sanay magpahaba at may nail polish. kung minsan nagpapalinis ako sa kuko ko sa paa pero sobrang once in a blue moon lang.. eewww ba? hhehe hindi nman kadiri kc ginugupitan ko nman palague yun nga lang wala lang mga kung anu anong kulay.

tamad din ako maglagay ng lotion sa katawan. bumibili ako pero lague ko naman di ginagamit. tamad din ako maglagay ng kung anu-ano sa mukha.. kelan lang bumili ako ng halos isang set ng olay pero di ko rin naman nagamit.. pero kung sisipagin na ko gagamitin ko na..paramis.

nung minsan nga na bumibili kami ng slippers ni mister nagcomment ang salesman na indian kay mister.. ano daw bang problema sakin at ayoko ng mga inaabot nya na pang-babae..ang pinipili ko daw puro style panlalake.. " natawa na lang ang asawa ko at sinagot nya na ganun talaga ako dahil mas trip ko ang mga panlalake.

so ngayung 2009.. sinabi ko sa sarili ko na susubukan ko na maging babae. goodluck na lang sakin kung kakayanin!

- above all... kahit di na ko maging babaeng babae.. kahit na maton na ko forever.. pero sana this year.. maging isang ina na ko.. at yun lang ang mahalaga sa akin. :)

a message from an ex

“defense mech.. pero basically we learn new things evryday, it may be learned the easy or the hard way, but in whatever way it is, at the end of the day, waht matters is that we learned..

normal lang yun.. trial and error..

parang shampoo, kapag hindi ka hiyang, siyampre iba ang kukunin mo..

wla rin ako sinisisi through those times, it was nice that nakilala kita in the course of my life.. and we are free to choose who we really want, is really a matter of finding the right pair.. see, you got right pair..”

- tsong

i thought hindi sya pupunta.. but i saw him at the church waving and smiling at me. hindi pa rin sya nagbago.. he's still the same. after all.. magkaibigan pa rin kami kahit hindi naging maganda ang ending ng relationship namin.. nothing's change. heheh and he's got new girl na rin.. good for him. the girl is really lucky to have him coz he's one of a kind. i remember him being so sweet to me.. baking brownies for me.. he brings extra jacket sa movie house for me.. and always brings chocolates and presents for me. hehhe.. well.. he's the sweet type of a guy.. yung tipong hindi ka lolokohin at mahal na mahal ka.. he came from a wealthy family and he is darn smart too. at super gentleman - never tried to kiss me! i told him i was weak back then.. i felt like i was not the girl he deserves kc di ko kayang pantayan yung binibigay nya sakin.. and feeling ko since maayos at may kaya ang family niya.. feeling ko hindi talaga ako para sa knya.. and so i escaped.

pero matagal na yun.. and we're good friends pa rin.. since we started as friends din nman talaga.

niloloko ko sya lague pag on-line.. " pag doctor ka na ha.. libre na lague yung check up ko sau".
konting tiis na lang doctor na ang kaibigan ko.. at ang dating umibig sakin ng totoo. :)

and i agree with tsong - i got a right pair.

excited!

tonight.. may kadate ako.

he's the sweetest guy on earth..

i still have one hour at uuwi na rin ako..

can't wait.. hhmm.. i'm so excited.

- i'm so lucky to have my manong!

pre-nup pics by japat

at eto ang aming pre-nup pics taken by JAPAT! :)

dec 23, 2008 "i do.. the second time around (our church wedding)

I do.." the second time around.

I remember when we had our civil (secret) wedding.. wala kaming bisita, no preparation, we only asked Ninang Lorna to be our ninang kasi wala kaming witness talaga. We were both wearin jeans..we had our reception at shakeys, sm manila.. kumain lang kami then nagpapicture at pagkatapos umuwi sa bahay.

But our church wedding was really the opposite. Sobrang hirap ng preparation dahil sobrang rush. Nakailang away-bati din kami in discussing our wedding details. Andaming bagay na hindi kami magkasundo.. akala ko nga hindi na matutuloy yung kasal eh. Hindi ko pa alam kung paano ko paiikliin ang dami ng bisita ko dahil sobrang laki talaga ng pamilya ko plus andami ko pang friends.. sumasakit talaga ang ulo ni mister.

Andami pa naming kulang na requirements sa simbahan at ilang araw na lang hindi pa kami nakukumpilan, hindi pa namin napapasa yung questionaire sa San Agustin, hindi pa kami nakaka-attend ng seminar..at higit sa lahat wala pa kaming ID pictures. (This time mas masakit ang ulo ni Ate Beth!)

Ay naku talaga.. bumili lang ako ng shoes the day fore the wedding at si mister ganun din. Yung gown ko pina-adjust ko pa at nakuha ko lang din the day before the wedding. Lahat may barong na yung asawa ko wala pa. Pag inisip ko natatawa talaga ako kasi para lang kaming naglalaro pero nakakapagod.

December 23. Eto na ang Big day…this is it!

Hindi na ko mapakali sa bahay lalo na ng biglang dumilim ang langit... oh noh lahat kami nananalangin na wag naman sana umulan. ITLOG! At bigla namin naalala mag-alay ng itlog.. Nung umulan nag-ring ang phone sa bahay.. si mister.. "ma! nag-alay k ba ng itlog?!" Halatang mas tesnse si mister kesa sakin dahil bumagsak na ang ulan hanggang hapon. Mabuti na lang bago ang oras ng kasal nakisama naman ang langit..medyo umambon bago magstart ng ceremony pero nawala din naman pagkatapos. Siguro blessing lang samin ang ulan sa araw ng aming kasal.

Kinakabahan ako pero alam ko mas kinakabahan ang asawa ko. Pagbaba ko ng kotse.. naiiyak ako pero umurong yung luha ko nung natatapakan ko na yung ilalim ng gown ko.. anytime feeling ko madadapa ako..syet wag sana kasi nakakahiya talaga.. sabi sakin slow down..dahan-dahan pero wala eh.. maton talaga ako..at aaminin ko na nahirapan ako sa gown ko kasi sobrang haba hindi ko na kc pinabawasan. Nung nakita ko na si mister sa kanya na lang ako tumingin... and lahat ng worries ko nawala. I feel like im the most beautiful bride dahil sa pinakamamahal kong asawa na nag-aantay sakin sa altar. Nakita ko yung ngiti niya.. parang nangaasar na nakakaloko na parang anytime hihimatayin sa nerbyos.

Comedy lang nung kiss the bride.. pumalakpak ang asawa ko.. parang first time lang makakakiss.. palakpakan daw kami pero sya ata ang unang pumalakpak.. bakit nga ba mahal?

At ang sumunod ay ang walang katapusang pag-click ng camera.

Reception.

Ang pinapangarap kong reception sa garden ay natupad.. at maganda talaga lahat sa paningin ko.. kung pwede lang magpicture kami sa bawat sulok dun gagawin ko na kahit wala nang program basta magpicture lang kami ni mister. Heheh. Salamat sa Lina Vitan.. job well done talaga.

Yun nga lang hindi talaga kami nakakain dahil maya't maya nagpipicture kami. Wala sana akong pakelam sa picture eh kasi gusto ko talagang kumain.. kaya lang ang asawa ko..pinagalitan ako dahil kain daw ako ng kain nakikita ako sa Video. Sus eh ano naman nagugutom ako! heheh hindi daw kasi ako nakikinig sa mga nagmemessage..

Salamat mahal sa isang napakaespesyal na araw na binigay mo sakin.. I am really proud that you are my husband and I am your wife. Thank you for making me feel so special... Hindi ako magsasawa kahit na ilang beses ako magsabi ng “I DO”.. basta ikaw ang pakakasalan ko ng paulit-ulit… thank you for loving me. Mahal na mahal ka ni misis..

Here's our pic on our civil (secret) wedding:

i thought i'll die

first entry for 2009.

i have so much to tell sana.. about what happened on our very short vacation.. on our wedding.. and everything that happened on the year 2008 etc..

but still im too lazy to write..

then something happened kanina while i was at work.. i felt an abnormal beating of my heart (palpitation).. and all i can remember hindi na talaga ako makahinga.

i was scared.. i really thought i'm having heart attack na that time. i was shaking and crying nung nahimasmasan na ko..

nung time na hindi ako makahinga.. i was praying.. "wag po muna pls.. "

- thank YOU Papa God for letting me breath again.. and for taking all the chest pain that i experienced.

welcome 2009!!!

yep..yep... at natapos din ang 2008..

happy new year!!! welcome 2009..

- medyo tamad pa ko magsulat..