An Exceptional Letter
My dearest friend HEART,
There is a tiny voice that told me last night i
couldnt understand u anymore. You have been
awfully quiet for some time now and you have been
shutting me off. I can feel u too and it is hard for
me to understand that you want to go through it
alone. We used to be in the same boat struggling
over the things but you moved and took a different
route. I have always been at your side but this
time i opt to differ. I can see your pain and i can
feel it too, not because you are the heart which is
the only one capable of feeling. I am not hard as
you sometimes believe that i am. i just have to be
like this for both of us, otherwise we would both
drown and no one can save us anymore.
Heart, why do you keep on beating on the wrong
person all the time? Aren't you tired of watching
them leave you? Aren't you tired of giving your best
and not get anything in return? If you're not then i
am... I am tired of giving you excuses so you
wouldn't break. I am tired of saying yes when in
fact it is no. I am tired of convincing you when you
very well know that i am just lying to make you
happy. I am tired of you, for all your broken dreams
your failed relationships and for all your unrequited
love. You have so much to give to the person who
can never be yours HEART, weren't you the one
who said that you are sore and wounded? So, why
are you staying when you can just walk away from
all these pain that is consuming you? How can you
take it HEART? How can you look at his eyes and
not see you in his heart? How can you smile when
you feel his caress and know that those touches
were meant for someone else? How can you be
strong when your feeling weak and helpless how
can you possibly love someone who is in love with
another girl? He was never yours to begin with so it
would be impossible to have him forever.
FOREVER is just a word HEART.
There is no such thing as forever just good byes as
inevitable. I have seen you so excited when he
came to our lives. I was just as excited as you
were. I wanted him to be the guy we can both be
in love with but he is a dream and dreams end. Tell
me wasn't it good to have a dream every time you
feel like doing so? Like dreams you have to wake
up and face the day. It was enough that he made
you feel loved. Just face the reality that someone
owns his heart... pushing for it will only make
another girl's heart bleed. I have seen you loved,
lost and grieved but never healed. Why Heart?
What are you so afraid of? It's time to let go. I
know it would be hard. I have never seen you love
this way before... so unconditional. Of course you
have always loved unconditionally but your love for
him is different because you wouldn't listen to me.
You used your words against me and that makes
me feel helpless. I am just hurt as you are
because i can't make the pain go away. I can't
help you and heal for you... you have to do it
alone. You have keep your silence and its
deafening. I know you are trying to fool me so i
would think you are okay and that i shouldn't
worry... you want me to believe that you are not in
pain.
Remember HEART there is a thin line that
connects us and it would be difficult to deceive one
another of what is really going on... not that is love.
Always,
Your logical friend REASON
My Friend Reason,
Thank you for putting up with me while i go through
my journey. It is like battling a demon. The battle
is within me and something i feel i could not fight.
You were right i have never felt this way before.
You know why i said that? It is because i allowed
my self to manipulate all the other system that are
within my power. I shut all the possibilities that
one day when i look back this would be my biggest
regret. I shut it because i know i would never
regret. A love so true has no regrets even if you
don't get what you work so hard for... in the end.
That is why i disregard the idea that one day i
would have to watch him leave and know that deep
within me he is never coming back. He is in deed
a dream. A dream i never wish to end. I am
holding on to that dream that is why i wouldn't want
to let go yet, but holding on for as long as i can
doesn't mean I will be holding on forever. I don't
believe in forever either. That is what I am used to
because you said there is no such thing, but he
made me believe in a lot of things and one of them
is that we can stay this way for eternity. A
moment with him is forever. Forever might be a
word but it exists. It is a place where dreams
come true... where hope did not go to oblivion. It is
a place where kisses heal wounds, where embrace
can take away fears, where touch can take away
doubts. That is forever and i believe him because i
felt it. We may not last another week, another
month or even years but he took me to that place
where dates are mere numbers that you count to
say that this is how long i have him for a moment
and that is enough for me through this lifetime.
Hopefully i can have him a little longer to last
another lifetime.
Looking back, you and i have been together in
everything and i can never keep a secret from you.
You are too wise to be fooled. They say wise
people are poor in the matters of the heart. I wish
to erase that cliche. It is not true that i choose to
beat for wrong people. I just do. You should know
better that my beating is involuntary. If i could be
held within the palm of the hand, then it would be a
lot easier not to give any explanation. But i can't
be and this makes us human. So i keep my feet on
the ground by feeling and hurting. You don't have
to make any excuses for me anymore or lie to
me... because regardless of the tears and pain, I
AM HAPPY. You asked me how can i take it? It is
about loving without expecting to be loved back. I
may say one thing but mean another, but when i
say i love him... i really do. Love is not blind. It is
only by the people who hoped to have more when
they already have everything. Love is about taking
everything including those you hope to take away.
I don't have to see myself in his eyes just as long
as he sees himself in mine. I don't have to frown
when i know his smiles weren't mine just as long
as i am smiling because of him and he knows it.
I am weak and might be helpless but how many
weak and helpless have felt what I am feeling right
now? It is a bliss that no word can explain. To
define is to limit the feeling so i just enjoy it. I have
loved, lost and grieved and yes i haven't healed
because i don't want to heal. Healing is as good
as forgetting and i wouldn't want to forget. I have
moved on the dealt of life equally well despite of my
handicap so i don't need to heal and forget.
Before i end, i want to tell you something you still
probably wouldn't understand but i know in time
you would come to see it as i did. Love is not
getting what you don't have... not even getting what
you deserve. It is getting nothing and somehow
getting everything. If you see it the way that i did,
you wouldn't ask anymore and still be wise.
Perhaps if we can see again through the same
eyes we used to look at before... through that
same window, maybe they would say we are the
first to break the cliche.
Always,
Your loving friend HEART
